Loss won Best Youth Entry, KPM Music Award and 4-Stars at BIAFF 2008

The audience would relate to this character and understand

I started work on Loss in early 2005. The idea came to me after a holiday down in Dorset and Cornwall. I wrote, produced, directed, edited and starred in the film myself.

I remember the initial ideas of Loss came about while I was listening to a Moby song in the car.

As we were driving we passed several trees overlooking a valley near the seaside town of Lyme Regis. It was surreal how the music and images collided and thus complemented each other. Subsequently this first image I had for the idea of the film is the shot Loss opens with!

After this experience I got a lot of visual ideas regarding cinematography. I'd made short, unsuccessful films before, but this time I loved the ideas and really felt like they would work.

I noted down and storyboarded shots that I'd come up with and started work on them when I got back home as an experiment in cinematography.

Soon after the holiday I went to a local college open day and saw various student films. One of the films I saw was a seemingly quirky look on self destruction due to a failed relationship. The film used a mainstream song as its soundtrack and appeared to have been rushed, yet still received the A grade.

I feel that self destruction as a topic to base a film on is quite an overused idea, especially with student film makers! (Some competition guidelines even advise to stay away from films concerning suicide!)

Nevertheless I have always been intrigued by the psychological side of self destruction.

I therefore decided to translate these images I had experienced on holiday into a similar, yet hopefully better constructed production.

The story would begin with completely restricted narration, we would see a lone character come home, have a meal by himself and in the same breath self-harm. The audience would relate to this character and understand that to him it is a routine, yet not understand why.

The viewer would then be taken into his thoughts; experiencing his relationship with a girl, later discovering that she had passed away. The viewers would at that point understand the narrative as they are taken back into the present and subsequently into the character's downfall.

Of course the final outcome of the film turned out slightly different, I wanted the film to flow so left scenes such as 'the character eating' on the 'cutting room floor' per se and focussed more on presenting the story to the viewer.

Although I had appropriate sound mixing equipment I decided the film should feature nothing but images and an accompanying music soundtrack, no talking whatsoever.

To present a whole narrative, without dialogue, to an audience in a way that was still understandable would be a difficult task and one I was definitely up for trying. I therefore decided to present Loss through images and symbols only, leaving a lot of the story up to the viewer to understand.

Influences for Loss include David Lynch and Darren Aronofsky, two directors who often leave the story open for the reader to unravel and understand. Although the story is, at its core, simple, it does contain certain aspects open for the viewer's own interpretation.

Shooting for Loss was my favourite part of the film making, as it was a chance for me to be experimental with cinematography, something I have always loved in film. Knowing I had to convey the whole story without dialogue meant having the chance to experiment with lighting and scenery. As I made Loss completely by myself, I had complete artistic freedom in what I wanted to do. I shot most of the film by myself, mostly without the use of a tripod.

In certain scenes I was holding the camera in my own hands facing my face!

This was, however, done through choice as the whole film was an experiment in film making and production.

The final pill-popping scene was one of the only scenes shot with a tripod. I stood next to the bathroom cabinet (in the foreground of the shot) letting the background light from the window shine through to foreshadow the character's eventual journey to heaven.

The tripod rested on the toilet seat as I painstakingly filmed myself pop in a Nurofen then spit it into my hand time and time again!

Not wanting to be too gratuitous I only did this with one strip, assuming that the viewer would definitely understand what was going on!

As for the self-harm shots my sister stood next to me on the couch, camera at the ready as I rubbed the apparent 'sores' (made with eyeliner, contrary to the belief with some people that they were real!) onto my arms. Fast cuts were used here to emphasise the character's pain and symbolise the cutting themselves.

In terms of post production I edited the film using the very temperamental 'Pinnacle Studio 7'. I've used this program since I was about ten years old and always attained a fine outcome from it (yet not without problems in the process).

The actual version of Loss you see now is a second version. The first edit, thanks to a nasty lesson in making back-ups, was lost (!) due to a faulty external hard drive.

Nonetheless I set to work re-editing the film and am completely content with, and even prefer, this present version!

The film was edited to symbolise the character's understanding in what he must do. This was presented through the way the course of the film's lighting changes from dark into light.

At the beginning of the film the character is in black and white, low key light, yet in one of the last shots we see of him he is drenched in a bright, white glow.

Although a depressing story, Loss has a happy ending. Throughout the course of the film the character understands that he was so in love with his deceased girlfriend, he can only be happy again by being with her in heaven. We, as the audience, understand this with him.

Heaven is represented by where he and his lover are seen meeting throughout the film as this was, in his thoughts, their heaven.

The film is composed through close-ups to emphasise the character's pain and let the audience get inside his head.

The only extreme long shots in the film are when the main character and his lover are together. The use of costume also represents character emotions. Although the lead always wears dark colours, his lover wears bright, happy colours, a reminder of how life was for her character.

Although I was originally inspired by the Moby song, 'God Moving over the Faces of the Water', the song just didn't seem to fit with the film.

The one other song I considered for the film (and that was finally used) 'Leaving Hope' by Nine Inch Nails was perfect. It was dynamic and diverse and was a perfect accompaniment for the images and changes in narrative structure. The Moby song, although a fantastic, thought-provoking piece, and my original inspiration was just too similar all the way through to fit with the film.

I recently re-edited Loss to work with another, shorter Nine Inch Nails song that is currently in an online film festival.

On the whole Loss has received a thoroughly positive critique which has not only delighted, but shocked me! I myself am not a fan of films about suicide and was at first sceptical about how Loss would be received due to its taboo and sometimes shocking nature.

I am, however, charmed that the film was accepted as the IAC British Youth favourite, and delighted that it was enjoyed and understood by all who watched. It is a privilege to have won the IAC Youth award.

- Charles Leek, April 2008

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